Of Life, and other things...

Remembering Worlds

2007-01-16T00:57:00.000+08:00

On a lighter note, there are always things to smile about. Like my new pair of shoes that i really shouldnt have bought. Oh well... Sometimes you just gotta live the good life right? Right.

So anyway, here's one to Worlds 2007. Thanks guys, it was really great.

One for the cliches.

2007-01-16T00:53:00.000+08:00

Well, i guess a lot has happened since i was last here. The new year, Worlds, new last sem, and oh, other stuff. Things at the moment are... confused, chaotic. My last sem, new decisions, new revelations, new... new a lot of things. I've made decisions, and i believe them to be true and right. Whether they are true and right is yet to be determined, but... i just have to breathe. Patience has never been my strong point, nor has sitting still and allowing myself to be trampled over, but, its a new year. I'll take some for... for all that is perceived to be good and right. I shouldnt burn the bridges. Not now. It's too soon. I need to giv it time. It's only fair, really. But... i dont know for how long. How long until it's just abuse? How long till it's just not worth it? Maybe the cliches are right. Maybe we cant just be friends. Perhaps in the end, it really was all or nothing. And maybe thats just what it has to be.

Princess Snowy

2006-11-08T00:11:00.000+08:00

Look who i puppy-sat today... Princess Snowy. All she does is sleep, eat, pee and bite stuff. Cute dog. Good disposition.

Oppurtunities in Life

2006-11-07T01:34:00.000+08:00

Well, i'm getting sick. This is not good. Drinking lots of water and praying that i dont wake up with a sore throat tomorrow. Exams are really bad enough.

I have English tomorrow. I hate studying English. It's the language i speak, but studying it. =P Oh well, watever. I dont even know how long the paper is. I thought it was 3 hours, but the website says 2. So, that means it's probably 3. Hope not, got an invitation to go for the press conference of The Red Kebaya tomorrow at 12pm. Dont really know what i'm suppose to do there, but it sounds good. *sigh* Talk about oppurtunities in life, why is it that even though i know i dont try enough to make them, i dont even try enough to grab them?

On a happier note, there was this really funny column in The Star yesterday. Star Mag, pages 2 to 3 by Andrew Sia. Now that dude rocks. It's about Datuk 'Mukaria', his "Happy Gucci Gucci Face" and "Sacred Satay Restaurent". Get the drift? If you dont, you need to READ MORE NEWSPAPERS.

If we could be anything.

2006-11-01T03:36:00.000+08:00

Well, it's 3 a.m. Just about my favourite time of the day, or at least the time where i'm usually almost always awake. So, it's the end of the semester and next year will be our last semester, except for those people who are luck/unlucky enough to be in four year courses, and the question on most people's minds (or not, for those "carefree" people / ppl trying to avoid thinking about it, no names mentioned) is WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE WE GONNA DO NEXT? What are we gonna be? What's gonna happen? Are we gonna hav to move? What are we gonna work as? How are we going to getwhatever we are going to end up doing? (reread the last question, it makes sense if you think about it, really...)

Jit Shiong says i think too much. Actually most people say that. And the people that dont say it dont cause it's already understood. I could explain why i think that way, but that would require overthinking, so... i wont. *wink* Instead, this post is going to be dedicated to all the things that we wish we could be. And it's not gonna be depressing, really. If time, money and location werent factors, i mean really, not factors AT ALL, what would you be? If you could be anything... anything at all in the whole wide world, what would it be?

I would be... three things all at one (not at the same time, but generally do them in rotation)

1. TV newscaster
2. hip hop dancer / professional cheerleader (american football, the basketball ones look a little... umm... tacky)
3. work for Amnesty International and try to save the world =)

So... this would normally be the part where i over-analyse why i would choose what i have chosen, but i won... oh hell, i will. I'm thinking of my dream jobs, not changing my entire personality. I've thought about it and i realised, i want a job where it requires in large amounts my mind (1), body (2) and soul (3). Kinda cool huh, i didnt even know i wanted that. So... think about it, if you could be anything... anything, anything in the whole wide world and time and money wasnt a factor, what would you be? =)

Exactly what you need

2006-10-27T20:06:00.000+08:00

I went for a run today. Guess that's how bad the studying is going, I had to run. Havent run in a long time, granted, but i always remember running to be relaxing. Especially when i had a lot on my mind. It was like playing the piano, u know? Don't know exactly why, but i can always figure out my problems when i play the piano. It's like i'm playing, but my mind's not really there, but at the same time it doenst give you that oh-so-depressed feeling of sitting down and working out your problems. Like, here, sit, dont do anything, and by the time you get up, you better have figured all this out. Talk about pressure on top of problems.

So, anyway, have had a lot on my mind lately. Exams, the lack of caring about exams, the not so distant graduation, life, studies, rejection & dejection (*wink* my clubbing momma will understand), life... life... oh, life. I turned 22 about a week ago, but I dont feel 22, you know? In some ways i feel like i'm about 16 and in others, i feel like about 80. This is the last year of the plan. The next step was supposed to be CNN Asia. Geez, the plan was erected when i was 14. A mature 14, but nontheless. Maybe i really thought it would be that easy.

So, back to running. Goal: 20 min. Achievement: 21 min not including cooling down walking. I am proud. And, i do feel better. Now i remember whats so relaxing about running. I thought i might figure out all that's on my mind, well i didnt. I didnt think about it at all. I forgot that when i run, (probably to keep from dying) all i think about is the sky, the road and my feet. And really nothing else. It's great. Some things help you think about ur problems, some things help you not to think about them. And sometimes the latter is exactly what you need.

I Feel Stupid... :)

2006-10-23T22:24:00.000+08:00

I am studying! And i love Matchbox 20.

Mad Season - Matchbox 20

I feel stupid - but I know it won't last for long
And I've been guessing - and I could have been guessin' wrong
You don't know me now
I kinda thought that you should somehow
Does that whole mad season got ya down?

I feel stupid, but it's something that comes and goes
And I've been changin' - I think it's funny how now one knows
We don't talk about the little things that we do without
When that whole mad season comes around

So why you gotta stand there
Looking like the answer now?
It seems to me you'd come around
I need you now
Do you think you can cope?
You figured me out - that I'm lost and I'm hopeless
I'm bleeding and broken, though I've never spoken
I come undone
In this mad season

I feel stupid, but I think I've been catchin' on
I feel ugly, but I know I still turn you on
You've grown colder now, torn apart, angry, turned around
Will that whole mad season knock you down?

So are you gonna stand there
Are you gonna help me out?
We need to be together now
I need you now
Do you think you can cope?
You figured me out - that I'm lost and I'm hopeless
I'm bleeding and broken, though I've never spoken
I come undone
In this mad season

And now I'm cryin'
Isn't that what you want?
I'm tryin' to live my life on my own
But I won't, no,
At times I do believe I am strong
So someone tell me why, why, why?
Do I, I, I...
Feel stupid
And I come undone
And I come undone

I need you now
Do you think you can cope?
You figured me out - that I'm lost and I'm hopeless
I'm bleeding and broken though I've never spoken

I need you now
Do you think you can cope?
You figured me out - I'm a child and I'm hopeless
I'm bleeding and broken though I've never spoken
I come undone in this mad season

In this mad season
There's been a mad season
Been a mad season

Remembering You

2006-10-10T04:40:00.000+08:00

I'm remembering you, dear...

Steven Curtis Chapman - Remembering You (OST Chronicles of Narnia)

I found You in the most unlikely way
But really it was You who found me
And I found myself in the gifts that You gave
You gave me so much and I

I wish You could stay
but I'll, I'll wait for the day

Chorus
And I watch as the cold winter melts into spring
And I'll be remembering You
Oh and I'll smell the flowers and hear the birds sing
and I'll be remembering You, I'll be remembering You

From the first moment when I heard Your name
Something in my heart came alive
You showed me love and no words could explain
A love with the power to
Open the door
To a world I was made for

Chorus

The dark night, the hard fight
The long climb up the hill knowing the cost
The brave death, the last breathe
The silence whispering all hope was lost
The thunder, the wonder
A power that brings the dead back to life

I wish You could stay
But I'll wait for the day
And though You've gone away
You come back and

Chorus

And I'll watch as the sun fills a sky that was dark
And I'll be remembering You
And I'll think of the way that You fill up my heart
And I'll be remembering You

I'll be remembering You
I'll be remembering You
I'll be remembering You

I'll be remembering You

King Tut Vs Emperor Qin

2006-09-27T23:53:00.000+08:00

Taking a break from my archaeology project. It's taking an incredibly long time, and i was wondering why. Normally i type my assignments out in single spacing, coz it always seemed shorter writing 5 pages in single spacing than writing 10 in double spacing. You can always go, "i only have 5 pages to write... no biggie", u know?

Anyway, going back to why it's taking so long. Yes of course, i'm haunted by the mentally audible sounds of Glo where Terri and the girls are this very moment. *sigh* It's been ages... But really, the thing i realised is is that you really cant bullshit in archaeology. I mean, in most of the com classes, the assignments ask you your opinion, and you get all the references to back it up, but in archaeology, facts are facts, theres nothing much to defend, you just have to explore. And it takes a long time! Bottom line is basically that you cant bullshit as much. I mean lets face it, when you giv your opinion, you can basically tambah a lot of nonsense. Not to mention the fact that most opinions are nonsense anyway. Haha, wat can i say? I was so made for the arts. *wink*

2 Steps Short of Greatness

2006-09-17T01:38:00.000+08:00

To have the oppurtunities, the potential, the passion... is wasted on me. You are what i lack, you are my rock. You will support me and sustain me. I have everything, but you have the heart. And with you, i am complete.

Boost

2006-09-12T22:49:00.000+08:00

Hey girls... thanks a lot. Really needed the boost today. =)

Update

2006-08-22T01:08:00.000+08:00

Darling's gone back to USA already. Sad, but it's okay, next time we see him he'll look like this. =) Love you, dear...

UPM Fiasco Caught on Tape (Video)

2006-07-24T03:04:00.000+08:00

Excerpt from the Sun (http://www.sun2surf.com/article.cfm?id=14837):

Gangsterism reared its ugly head in Univerisiti Putra Malaysia (UPM) when about 50 "pro-establishment" students took the law into their own hands and manhandled seven students who are members of an organisation perceived to be "anti-establishment" last Monday (July 17, 2006).

A video clip obtained by theSun showed the large group surrounding and pushing about six members of the UPM Student Progressive Front (SPF) in the campus canteen.

Some of you may have tried to access the video on the MerdekaReview and not managed to get through. Another link -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndYvb7GvLDk
I'm sure these MPP of UPM are trilled that their antics are being viewed globally via the net. Serves them right. This brings a totally new meaning to "all muscle, no BRAINS". Have a good future.

University 301

2006-07-24T00:58:00.000+08:00

Yes, i'm back. Happy returns to the hell hole. Sighhh... Okay lah, it isnt that bad. It's just... bad. How i ever survive the beginning of semesters is totally beyond me. I mean, can you believe it? I'm a SENIOR. Final year. On the brink of graduating. One year left. I'm actually counting the credits, making sure everything's in order. I actually know what i'm suppose to be taking this sem (wow). I mean, when does that actually happen? Usually u just choose a couple of courses (most likely wat a whole bunch of other ppl are taking), go to class and pray.

Sigh. I wanna graduate. Fast. But i dont wanna work. So... wat, you would ask, do i intend on doing? Good question. I just need, atm, an extended holiday. Ah, forget extended. A holiday will do. It's been non-stop after i got back fr LI, and yea, Sarawak was fun, but it was one of those holidays where you need a holiday to recover from that holiday kinda thing, u know wat i mean? And then the semester jumped out of nowhere and bam, u get throw into everything full force. (Yea, it doesnt help that i registered 2 days late, but it wasnt my fault okay??? *wink* Rainforest festival is that time, I didnt choose the date.

Ppl are asking me to do stuff. And, i would help if i could, really i would, but fact of the matter is, i'm just not as connected as ppl think to be able to... i dont know, make a whole bunch of ppl show up at certain place (esp if that place is boring and nobody wants to go there which is precisely the fact why 'ppl' asked me to get ppl to be there in the beginning). I dont wanna be rude, or disinterested, but i just dont have the favour power to do it. Or maybe i do, but i only have one shot at the favour power, and at the rate i'm going, i think it wise to really save all my favours for... more important things (not to mention less boring things).

Got so much to do. It's the starting of the third week already, cant believe it. Tutorials are starting this wk. I'm still completely lost in some subjects. No, i have no idea whatsoever about what my archeology project is gonna be about (proposal due on thursday), even less idea what we're gonna shoot for TV II (proposal due on friday), still no idea wat a speech of welcome is (speech to be presented on wednesday) and oh yea, didnt i hear smthing about a mock debate i'm suppose to be kicking Fung Kit's and Vanesh's butts in? (Thats... thursday. Wats the motion again?) Arggggggggggghhhhhhh. Geez, i forgot about the shooting for the YnCR launching. That's... tomorrow????

How did things get so messed up so fast? It's only the third week. Welcome back, Andrea.

Perseverance

2006-05-24T17:36:00.000+08:00

In times of crisis, and when the tide is high, we shall persevere!!! March on troops!!!

Red Com, and other things

2006-05-09T15:22:00.000+08:00

My second day at work. It's surprisingly better than i expected. Yes, i'm still a little bummed about missing Asians (they're up 3-0!!!) but i havent really had much time to think about it since i started working.

Guess as far as it goes, Red Com was a pretty good draw as far as production houses are concerned. They're (WE'RE, che wah) are currently shooting two series; 3R and G & g (Gol & Gincu, the series). But there's a lot about Red Com i didnt realise before i got here. Among the very least is the website: www.red.com.my and www.redfilms.com.my. Yup, tried to look it up on the internet before i came here, came up with squat, but these are the websites.

I didnt know that Red Films produced Gol & Gincu. Watched this movie when it screened during Hari Raya, and thought it wasnt bad, especially for a local production. Seems like the last movie that Red Films has produced (Lelaki Komunis Terakhir) has very recently been banned by the Ministry of Home Affairs, even after it was passed uncut by the Malaysian Film Censorship Board (LPF). The reason? *sigh* Let's not even get into that shall we? But history is here --> http://lastcommunist.blogspot.com/

Cheeseman Forever

2006-05-06T18:54:00.000+08:00

=) Hehehe... My mom found my old cap and did this. CHEESEMAN FOREVER, my friends. (Who cares where they are now, we were 1st in my year '03!!!)

My exams are over! Now, off to KL...

Langkawi Asians 2006

2006-05-05T15:52:00.000+08:00

*sigh* While i'm sitting here, trying to understand what i've studied in Spanish the whole semester, Joshua, Rueben and Fung Kit are on their way to Langkawi for the 13th All Asian debates. NOT FAIR!!! *sigh* I know i passed to go for industrial training, but there's nothing worse that sitting at home, waiting for the last exam, on the last day of the whole exam schedule, knowing that people are off to the time of their lives in Langkawi. For FREE too. *sigh* Industrial training better be good...

p.s. Good luck guys... kick ass.

Too Patriotic for Democracy

2006-05-01T01:35:00.000+08:00

Officials in Beijing have recently stated that Hong Kong citizens are not "patriotic" enough to receive democracy. According to (apparently) legal experts who met on the 27th of April for a seminar on Hong Kong's Basic Law, universal suffrage should only be implemented if a nation could "ensure that (the chief executive) selected ... is a patriot". Very interesting. Now, according to the Oxford dictionary, the word patriot is defined as "a person who vigorously supports their country and is prepared to defend it". I wonder when they added the part about being pro-government into the equation.

And then, to stamp out any glimmer of their rationale, Profesor Xu Chongde stated that democracy, in itself, isnt really much to shout about because "Hitler and Mussolini had come to power through elections” and “[e]ven in the United States, which has 200 years of democratic history, most of its presidents were only of mediocre calibre. There have been few outstanding or talented ones.” (LOL, okay, fine. Brownie points for the U.S. presidents part, maybe some glimmer of hope...) Of course, because of Hitler, we should give up on democracy all together, because we know that all recent democracies have produced genocide murderers. Where else, dictatorships and communism is a much better way to go. See in these systems, to prevent the people from choosing an oppressor, one is simply appointed for them.

Hmm... not "patriotic" enough for democracy. Not patriotic enough, or not pro-government enough? Sounds eerily familiar, now, doenst it?

Sources:
AsiaNews.it – Beijing launches another attack against Hong Kong democracy (28 April 2006)

M&C News – China Official Warn Hong Kong to beware of Hitler-style democracy (28 April 2006)

Opportunity Oath

2006-04-30T13:37:00.000+08:00

I have learnt my lesson. From now on, I will make opportunities instead of just taking them.

Defining You

2006-04-29T05:08:00.000+08:00

My friend, I know this has been a bad patch for you, and that it is unfair and that you probably deserved better. But I pray for you this: that you will not let this be something that defines you. That you will not allow what this has done to you to be all that people see when they look at you.

I know it is unfair. But don't dignify this experience by letting it change what was good and respectable in you. For as much as it hurt you, do not let it succeed in injuring you more.

The Means That Justify The Ends

2006-04-28T12:34:00.000+08:00

We were born to be activists. Winston Churchill once said "If you're not a liberal when you're 25, you have no heart. If you're not a conservative by the time you're 35, you have no brain."

Why is it that things matter more if you fight for them? Well, i suppose the answer to that is obvious, the more you sacrifice for something, the more it will mean to you when (if) you finally achieve it. That's perfectly logical, there's nothing wrong with that. But why is sometimes the appeal to fight for something is so much more satisfying that gaining something for free?

We talk about democracy and freedom and rights... I want them all, but i dont want them for free. Why is it if you offer me freedom, i would rather fight for it than just to recieve it. Does fighting for freedom, or for anything, make if more precious that recieving it without a stuggle? And if that's so, isnt that just so sad? When did the struggle become more important than the prize? People say that in life, it's the journey that's matters, not the destination. But, i cant help thinking, that shouldnt be the case for everything in life.

Iron Jawed Angels, love that show. Lead, Follow or Get Out of the Way. Hilary Swank said something like "we're fighting for something that shouldnt even be a fight". Of course she was right, but i cant help but think that they would have rather fought for it than... well, than the alternative, of course, but also... than just getting it. Yes, struggles makes things more valuable, but when the struggle supersedes the objective, what then?

If you're not a liberal by 25, you have no heart, but if you're one at 40, you have no brain. So, so true. Does that mean that liberalism, and activism is nothing more than the desire to prove one's self? That making a difference for young liberals is just another stage of life, just another way to stand apart from the crowd? Yes, we were born to be activists. At least at one stage of life.

I want change, but more importantly, i want to fight for change. The whole enchilada; blood, sweat and tears. And whatever the reason, i'm not sure whether that's a good thing or not.

Of Unreasonable & Idiocy

2006-04-21T04:33:00.000+08:00

I cant STAND people who say something and cant back it up with reason. I refuse to accept position as a substitute for logic. I will not submit to moronic autority. It is not the office, or the position, that entails my respect. It is the person who occupies that office who can, if he/she chooses, use whatever power entrusted to him/her to GAIN that respect. It does not and will never for me come automatically. If you stand for something, tell us why. "No, no, no" is NOT an explanation. It's a repetition of a negative answer. Repeating the word does not make it any more logical. How unfortunate so many half-brains dont understand that.

Hypocrites are one of the lowest life forms on the face of the planet. Hypocrites in places of power are 100 times worse. Useless hypocrites in power, well... Have no scruples, what goes around will come around. And one of these days, we who seek justice WILL be satisfied.

Dying With Dignity

2006-04-19T23:34:00.000+08:00

Well... it's the 2nd day of the exams. My finger hurts. There's like a big red blister on the tip. Oh well, hopefully it'll be worth it and i did the poor fella justice. 4 more to go, but having a very interesting exam schedule this time, i have a 5 day break until my next paper. Then next week i'll have a 6 day break. Sounds horrid, i know, but i actually dont really mind that much. Gives me time to focus, panic, focus, panic instead of just focus focus, paaaaanic. I guess that's good. I guess.

Dying with dignity... haha. Some people can make you smile when you're down, and there are those people that can make you laugh. Amy is one of the latter. Let me relay the convo we had on msn...

ilovemilo: ami!
ilovemilo: u got the CDs for dr.ju???
ilovemilo: anak momi kembali or watever
cHan_aMie: nope
ilovemilo: then HOWWWWWWWWWW
cHan_aMie: dont plan to do HERS
ilovemilo: i know, but if cant answer dr. mus then how?
cHan_aMie: den mati wif dignity hehe...

Hahaha... some people can make you smile, and some can make you laugh. =)

15 hours and counting

2006-04-03T01:33:00.000+08:00

Spent 15 hours in uni today. Probably spend just as many there tomorrow. TV editing is hell. Still have work to do tonight before tomorrow. Still thinking about things i shouldn't be thinking about. Thinking more about things i shouldn't be thinking about actually. Hey... give or take 13 hours in a tiny air con room. Gives you a lot of time to think.

Need to be strong. Heck, just need to be distracted and tired. That'll do the trick. Plus, there are more important things to think about. It's lent. And it's Pope John Paul's 1st anniversary. God bless, dear Holy Father.

2006-03-31T04:40:00.000+08:00

My hands and my heart

2006-03-31T04:06:00.000+08:00

Today has been exhausting. Ever have days where you think so hard that you just end up totally exhausted? Well, today was one of those days. 'Those days'. Heck, it's been one of 'those days' for so many days now. I dont really know what's going on, there's just been so much on my mind.

There was a talk by Hong Ju Kee today. Well, not really a talk, kinda like a question and answer session. Someone got to 'interview' her, go figure. But out of all the career seminars, her's was really one of the most useful. Guess i've heard so many coming from the big bosses that it was really refreshing to hear a new view. That and of course the fact that i want exactly what she used to do. Didnt know we were so much alike. Hahaha, usually when ppl blog, that sentence is directly followed by a bunch of wishful self-opinions about how great one is. Hope i'll disappoint anyone who was expecting that.

What i mean is is that we... are interested in the same things. I have absolutely no interest in tv series or reality tv shows, all i wanna do is news, and news is deadly serious to me. I really couldnt care less about being famous, really, i mean, isnt it just not worth the hassle? All i wanna do is be a part of something big, and something that matters. I wanna know whats happening in the world and in that small way, be a part of everything thats happening. I was made for the TV industry. Don't know why, but somehow that realisation doesnt make me feel very good. I mean, i'm blessed enough to know exactly what i want in life, which come on, is a rare thing in todays world. Maybe... maybe realising that i have such a passion for it makes me that much more afraid to fail. But... then again, i'm not afraid of failing. I'm just afraid of not trying.

Then there are other things that choose to pick this moment to bug me. Am i happy, am i not, what do i want, how do i feel... the list goes on and on. I've been blessed and cursed to wanna think and figure out everything. Sometimes i just end up with more questions and no more answers. I know... i know that what i'm doing is right. I know it. Should stop coming face to face with the problem, dont know why i keep sabotaging myself. And dont know why i'm thinking of it now. I just need to be strong and move on. Be strong and... let go.

Then we have this whole question about predestination and religion etc. I'm a Christian. God is the core of my life. But, now i realise that i dont even know what my religion entails. I dont believe that everyone who's not a Christian goes straight to hell, no questions asked. I believe that good ppl go to heaven. Strange, isnt it? The statement seems so logical. Good ppl go to heaven. But, thats not what some Christianity says, is it? I dont even know. But what i do know is that my God is not a vengeful one. His mercy is suppose to be as much as his love. I'm not even sure that i want to be part of a religion that condemns good ppl to hell.

Sigh... i've thought so much that i cant think anymore. I'm tired. I'm just so tired.

Of Industrial Training and... and Crap

2006-03-27T18:28:00.000+08:00

Life is mush. No, correction, today is mush. Life, in general, has been pretty good to me, but today... today is one of those days.

Industrial training list is out. I wanted TV3, hoped for TV3, expected TV3 and i got... Red Communications. What??? A PRODUCTION house? I dont want a production house!!! Of course there's nothing wrong with production houses, or Red Com to be more spesific, but i wanna do NEWS!!! That's all i ever wanted to do. Give me the boring stuff, send me to the houses that havent received their OCs yet, give me bird flu and give me, i dont know, desprate hokkien mee sellers, i dont care! Just as long as its news. I want the serious stuff, to hell with the Desprate Housewives, Malaysian Idol nonsense, let's get down to the serious stuff!

But no... I'm going to a production house. I know it's crappy for everyone else who got even worse places (just to be clear, Red Com isnt bad as far as production houses are concerned, but when u just wanna do news...), and i'm sorry that dr. *ahem* is such a useless lecturer, but... I'm not happy either. Not many ppl really know what they want to do in life, but i've been blessed enough to know. Really know. I wanted to put everything into this. It was suppose to be... my trial run, for me to really really decide if this is where i wanna direct my life into. But now... i get... sigh...

It's just one of those days.

Well, well, well...

2006-01-25T02:00:00.000+08:00

Well, well, well... Guess i'm back here. Haven't put up a post for what, 3 months now? Was actually contemplating giving up blogging, now that Darling is back in US, and writing email takes up a lot of time. And of course, the fact that i'm totally lazy. But, guess that doesn't mean that i can't come back here when i feel like it, and i feel like it.

So, today, was... well, a day that I'm gonna leave up to God. Definately out of my juristiction and very well into his. Some things you just have to leave up to God. He promised that all who seek justice will be satisfied. He promised me, he promised us all. It's not worth getting worked up, or pissed, or angry, calling ppl names. The ppl who you're calling names, well, let's just say that they're not worth me tainting myself by calling them names. I refuse to get myself angry over ppl that just arent worth my anger. Not gonna harp on it coz they're not worth my time.

=) Hey, not everyone can do what i'm doing. I'm proud of myself. Some ppl think it's just better to curse and swear and vent the frustration, but that only happens if those ppl manage to affect you. Well, with me, they don't get that satisfaction, or that luxury. I leave my things up to God.

Shouldnt have tested the theory...

2005-10-14T18:53:00.000+08:00

Well, i'm back and life is horrible. I'm in a ruck, and it's been going on forever. I know i'm just saying that it'll be better after next week, the last week of class and all the assignments are done and over with, but... what if it's not that? Of course i'm all wound up by the assignments (4 in 2 weeks). I'm as pissed as hell about some of them. I hate group work. I usually take over everything and i know that. At least i get the grade then. This time tried smthing new, left everyone alone, did my part, and voila! Instant disaster.

And just when you thought it couldnt get worse. You know, never say that it can only get better. Thats just poking fate with a stick. Mom just said that to me and it got instantly worse. Instantly. No email from far away boyfriend. Yey...

So many things to think about. So many things to stop thinking about. I worried about my assingment, and my presentations. I'm worried about my exams cause i feel that this semester i've leart incredibly little that i can put on paper. But most of all, it's the future i'm terrified about.

I used to be scared about not being able to end up doing smthing that i loved. I wanna go into tv production. News, to be specific. Dont fancy all those music vidoes, reality tv shows, fluffy glittery stuff. I want facts, important stuff... Wars, policies, peoples lives... i wanna be a part of that. And i used to be so scared that i wouldnt get the oppurtunities to be a part of that. Now i'm terrified that i will. It's such a wonder that the realisation didnt hit me sooner. I have to move to KL. I have work crazy, odd hours. What about other things? Maybe there we're other things before. Let's not talk about anyone in particular, but i wanna get married. Someday, not too late. I wanna be married and come home to someone who loves me.

If i really think about it, it's really between doing smthing i love, and being with smone i love. It's a trade off isnt it? A huge one. Probably the biggest one of one's life. Doing smthing you've always dreamed of doing, or having a life you've always assumed you would have. I'm worried about the future. I'm worried that if i choose what i think would make me happy, i might wake up 10 years from now and curse myself. I'm worried that i might give it all up for love, and end up regretting it. I'm worried that i know that it might not be worth it, and follow my dreams only to end up feeling sad. I'm worried that no matter what i choose, my ultimate goal wont be fulfilled: happiness, and peace.

Rain

2005-09-22T03:29:00.000+08:00

Rain
Washes away, everything,
Cleanses, soothes my heart

The sound,
Washes away the hurt,
The uncertainty, the pain
And the fear

Its touch,
On my cheeks
So light, but so deep
And liberating

Rain,
Come to me,
And stay with me,
So I can be like this, forever.

written by ilovemilo
**All Rights Reserved**

I wish it was raining...

Problems bigger than mine

2005-08-31T04:51:00.000+08:00

Keeping in perspective, my problems are small. God bless our Lord Jesus Christ. Thank you.

Praying for Sudan, and the hungry all over the world.

Praying for the homeless, who have no place to go.

Praying for the hopeless, maybe they may be given hope.

Praying... just praying for a better tomorrow.

One week down

2005-08-24T12:49:00.000+08:00

Well, it's been one week since Yao left. I've been really busy, suddenly it feels like all the work is just piling up out of no where. The good news? USM debating teams are in the finals. Both of them. =) Finals are this sat, and no matter what happens, we're still walking away with 1,500 bucks. Cant wait until mid-sem break next week. It'll be good to have a break. Just too bad i dont have darling to spend it with.

Winning team USM1

Best Speaker ;)

2005-08-24T02:51:00.000+08:00

group

2005-08-24T02:50:00.000+08:00

El Divo

2005-08-18T18:29:00.000+08:00

What i'm listening to now: El Divo

Absolutely wonderful. It's like 4 Josh Grobans all at once. Never heard them? Try this one:

The Man You Love

Si me ves hallarás en mis ojos el amor
eres tú la mitad que a mi vida completó
Lo que soy te daré sin miedo a algun error
creo en ti y dejaré en tus manos mi ilusión.
Quiero estar dentro de tu corazón,
Poder lograr que me ames como yo.

I only wanna be the man
to give you everything I can
every day and every night
love you for all my life.
I don't wanna change the world
as long as you're my girl
it's more than enough,
just to be the man you love.

Quiero ser el lugar donde puedas refugiar
el temor y calmar en mis brazos tu ansiedad
Desde hoy voy a ser todo para ti
Hasta ayer te soñé y ahora estás aquí
Quiero oir tus secretos, lo que sueñes descubrir,
quiero amarte así.

I only wanna be the man
to give you everything I can
every day and every night
love you for all my life.
I don't wanna change the world
as long as you're my girl
it's more than enough,
just to be the man you love.

I only wanna be the man
to give you everything I can
every day and every night
love you for all my life.
I don't wanna change the world
as long as you're my girl
it's more than enough,
just to be the man you love.

Just to be the man you love

2005-08-16T13:00:00.002+08:00

ME - First Broadcast

2005-08-16T13:00:00.001+08:00

2005-08-12T20:36:00.000+08:00

YnCR

Gorgeous Guys

2005-07-19T15:39:00.000+08:00

Okay. Now everyone's always told me that i have weird taste cause i dont think Brad Pitt or Keanu Reeves is cute. (Keanu Reeves? Hot? Pleease...) Under my catagory of cute guys i have Tom Cruise (even though he's a jerk), Ethan Hawke (only in some movies) and... well, that's about it. I'm sure there are more, just none seem to come to mind. But check this out. This dude i remember. He plays a role in Love's Enduring Promise which is kinda a sequel to Love Comes Softly staring Katerine Heigl the Rowell girl. Now this dude is gorgeous. :)

To see go to --> http://loganbartholomew.bravehost.com/myPictures/untitled1.bmp

The Half-Blood Prince

2005-07-19T03:08:00.000+08:00

Okay, normally i would wait until i was in a better frame of mind, one that had, say, sleep, but since i've ditched the computer for my darling (*smile*), i'll do it now. Thum tum thum tum tum. What Andrea thinks about... Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince!

Now, normally i wouldnt buy a book that's so expensive. I would just wait and parasite of the first person i could find who had the book, but, wanting to buy my brother a nice birthday present this year, i decided to get it for him. And, as he was leaving to go back to Thailand 2 days after the release of the book, i had a deadline. I had a destination, i was determain, i... wat was the last 'D'? I deliberated! Yeah!

So, having read the book in less than 2 days, i really have to say that it was pretty good. I dont i could have finished say, Order of the Pheniox in that time. It just didnt move fast enough. This book... i liked it cause the plot was always moving. There always is this sort of typical storyline in all of the Rowlings books - Harry comes back to school, Harry gets in an adventure, Dumbledore hides the truth from Harry, Harry beats the bad guy, Dumbledore tells Harry everything. Sounding more like Malory Towers than it should, it's kinda of the same in this book. Harry goes back to school, suspects stuff and in the end finds out the truth etc. Wont post up who died just yet, in case of any unfortunate Potter fan who might accidentally stumble upon this blog, but i was surprised. Of course suspected that he/she/it would die in the end, but didnt expect it in this book.

Wont go too much into the plot of the book. Rowling is pretty good at that, and she didnt stumble into the trap of being too long-winded or slow this time. It moved at a really nice pace keeping the reader entertained but not at the point of suspense all the time. I have to say that the ending wasnt as exciting as say, the ending of The Goblet of Fire, but, it was good.

Just a few complaints. Sometimes it seems that Harry & friends just totally miss the obvious. After a while, it gets a little unbelieveable and annoying. And another thing. The character who died, i mean, he/she/it was suppose to be really powerful. Like super powerful. And he/she/it just fell down and died. That was a little dissapointing. Like it was so easy for ___ to kill him/her/it. So, i was hoping for a better end for him/her/it.

The ending of the book has this note of desolate hopelessness. This was the first time i really felt sad and... hopeless at the last page. There wasnt so much the feeling of anticipation, like in the other endings, where you're just waiting for the book to arrive. This ending was a turing point, and maybe i'm just not happy at the direction in which it turned. That could be the reason. This book, in particular, was the farthest away from a childrens book in the whole of Rowling's series so far. There's little doubt that the final book will be, 'worse' if that's the right word to use. But overall, i really enjoyed reading this book and the conclusion of the series to me is both anticipated and feared.

Training for the Olympics - End in Sight

2005-07-19T02:37:00.000+08:00

Well... Wat has happened since i was blessed with a friendly blister on my left foot from walking so much? Hmm... Last Thursday, i did a record amount of walking. ;) Walked from DKP to Sg Dua, all the way from Sg Dua to Red Roof!!! Accompanied halfway by Terri... From Red Roof back to the SKs (come on, uphill after putting away all that food, it's an accomplishment). From the SKs back to the School of Communications and there all the way to Fajar! Way to go Kelly! Where of course we hopped on the bus which was thankfully stopping. =P Legs were dying the next day, but, I did it!!! The most strenious exercise in, about a year? =P Embaressing.

Anyway, wont be carless for long. *evil grin* In my possesion is a letter to get me past those guards! Tomorrow, it'll be signed, sealed and... photocopied. =) Muahahahaaa... God bless the ANSOS club.

Car Stickers of USM - Stupidity at the Highest Level

2005-07-12T16:09:00.000+08:00

Naively hoping that registration in USM would be any better my 2nd year compared to my 1st, i was sadly disappointed. Apart from running around from school to school desperately trying to work out some sort of survivable schedule, only one thing pushed my nerves over the edge. Was it the fact that i had compulsory subjects from the SAME school that clashed on the timetable? No. How about the fact that i have 5 hours of class on Thursday (so far) practically in a row but have Tuesday totally off? Still no. That i had to drop Spanish after rushing to register last semester leaving me with only 18 credits? Nope.

It's CAR STICKERS. And no, it's not what you think. I HAVE a car sticker, but unfortunately the wonderful policy at USM says that my car sticker has expired therefore i'm not allowed to drive into campus. But there's more, they wont allow you to renew your car sticker until the 25th of July. Why? How should i know? The only response i got from a certain hag at the Jabatan Keselamatan was "Baca dan faham notis". "Baca dan faham". But apparently for "pengesahan" and "penjelasan", there is no one there with the mental capacity to help me. For all the help and intellectual capability offered there, they might as well replace her with a better looking metal slot machine to spit out the notice and blink spitefully at the inquirer.

Happy Retirement x2

2005-06-27T15:59:00.000+08:00

Another week gone. Just had the 2nd week of retirement for my dad. Lunch number... umm... dunno, lost count. This one was on Sat, the 25th at Equatorial. It wasnt bad, the selection of food wasnt the best, quality was pretty good thought and altogether not too bad. Got pictures, but, as usual too lazy to put them all up here. Have to empty out my camera too, the memory card's full. Know it's a little late but... Happy Retirement, Pa! Happy Birthday and Happy Father's Day too. =)

Here and There Again

2005-06-17T04:26:00.000+08:00

So, today is the... umm... 17th of June. It's kinda amazing how you can just lost all track of time during the holidays. It's not so much that it was say, Tuesday, but you tend to go more on it's how many how many days till 'this', or how many days since 'that'.

So, last time i wrote was about a week ago. I missed Ching Wei's birthday. =P Totally forgot. Remembered to check up when it was, but forgot to send him a msg etc. Jooi Hong's party last Tuesday. Tambun trip cancelled, but i got my crabs. Still not satisfied though, might just take Yao up on that crab trip to Tambun. Jooi Hong's party was... interesting i guess. Havent seen some of those ppl in some time, but i'll keep all my personal, umm, opinions and recollections to myself where other ppl wont get to read it. ;)

Went clubbing yesterday. Music wasnt bad, but the night could have been better. Again, personal recollections will have to stay discreet. Sigh, this is the problem with online journals, they're online. =P But i will say this, kitchen gropers suck, dignity is sacred, but love is loyal and responsible, even if it's not always kind.

Restless Peace

2005-06-10T05:46:00.000+08:00

Sigh. Well, sent off my rejection letter to UBC. Finally did it, i've been putting off writing it. No, not cause i'm sad or anything to write it, just that i figured, i have better things to do, so, why bother? But, i got down to it, did the responsible thing (well, sort of, if you call it almost one week late "responsible". but hey, they totally deserve it) and sent if off. Oh well...

Was looking through Friendster just now, and i dunno... looking at the people i used to be in constant contact with now all over the world. Makes me feel... i dunno, contained i guess. I mean, looking back to my secondary school days, i doubt any of us then ever looked around and seriously pondered where everyone else would be in a couple years. Where we would all be now.

Life was... simple then. Everyone was on equal playing field. At that time, it really DIDNT matter who had more money than who, cause it never really affected us at the time. And of course, you had your first class nerds (in oh so many ways *wink*) and they studied all the time, or maybe didnt, and they did a little better, but, who cared? And really, who even cares now? Execpt for precious few who got scholarships, it all was so... unimportant.

Gosh, what a mood i'm in. Always get like this when i see pictures of my old classmates overseas studying. That's the only dream i ever had. Well, besides the whole newscaster / broadcast journalist thingy. Funny that as i'm actually working toward that, and of course that is the bigger picture, how insignificant it seems. Maybe it's just a case of wanting what you cant have, or taking for granted what you do.

Sigh... i can go, you know. And i could have gone earlier as well. But... i couldnt. Sigh. It's so weird. The student exchange programme fell through, and back stuck here in USM, all the while things have happened here that make me so wanna stay, and everything is going fine... but (always has to be a 'but' ;)) But i dunno. I guess, even though i'm happy, and i'm so looking forward to next sem, here, i'm just feeling a little bit that my dreams, and desires are so much bigger than myself. Or indeed anyone's self.

But hey, as i always said. More choices are better than few, no matter how much more complicated they make your life. More oppurtunities are better than few. It's like having so many blessings that they overpower you for a moment, making you wish that it could be simpler. But thank God, it isnt. =)

24

2005-06-07T17:57:00.000+08:00

I...am...addicted...to...24. Haha, darling's brother brought back a whole external hard drive of downloaded stuff. We're on season 4 of 24 now. Very addictive. Sometime the story line gets kinda, umm, illogical, but hey, it's a tv series after all.

Went for the mid-year PESSOC concert on Sunday. Yao fell asleep before the interval. He did!!! He wont admit it, but he did. Orchestra is... small. In terms of violins anyway. Or maybe not that small, but just remembering the times where we had seas of 2nd violins. I miss those camps. Good quality music, and loads of fun. Too bad it slowly gave way to suck-you-dry workshops. Anyway, wonder how the new conductor is. Thank goodness he's not one of those char koay teow conductors. ;) Ahem...

Got the confirmation from UBC already, but i'm rejecting it. =P Sigh... just thinking about all the work i put into it. But i suppose... if i didnt, i would always wonder whether i should have or could have and stuff like that. Now i'm satisfied with at least knowing that i did my best, and that their deal just sucks. *big grin* Come on... go all the way to Canada, where i know they have Film and Journalism, which is precisely the reason why i chose that university, but not be admitted into the schools, because i'm a exchange student. Some exchange. And on top of all that, i extend 1 year. =P Thanks, but no thanks. I'll save the money and go to see the Grand Canyon.

Sigh... life is good. Haha, although it's kinda weird of me to be saying that right after the dissapointing UBC news, but... i've had a while to get over it. =) Life is great. The holidays are great. Got debating to keep me busy during the sem. =) Debating rocks. I wanna go Ireland!!! Heck, i wanna go anywhere as long as it's free and i get to argue with people and get an allowance, and get to go shopping and get to dressed up (which i WILL in the future) doing it!!! Hahhaahahahaa!!! *big happy evil grin*

Ice Cream, Speaker Scores & Madagascar

2005-06-01T01:54:00.000+08:00

Sigh... stupid laptop, or streamyx or... i dont know. Was online planning tomorrow with Yao, and he stopped responding, then he went offline. Thought he was like going to ask his mom about 2mrw, but now i think my msgs didnt get through. Been happening a lot tonight. Tried to call him, but no answer. =P

Anyway, today was... ok i guess. Went to the clinic again, 3rd time in 2 weeks. =P Side parked my car. =) Yey... but think i just got lucky. Went to Dobi Gowd for grandmother food with Yao, then Madagascar in BJ. Not that good though. After watching the trailers and the making, there wasnt much else to see. I was a little bored in the middle of it actually. =P No more animated stuff in the cinema. Even on movie day.

We went to Baskin after that. ** Super super packed. =P Saw Mr. Vincent Loh there as well. He can actually recognise me. =) He had like, three 100 dollar notes in his hand, so i'm wondering how much ice cream he ended up buying. Was hoping for koay teow basah after that but...

Oh yeah, Joshua got a hold of the speaker scores. =) =) Guess who's the top ranked USM debater. =) But... i'm at 74. =P That kinda sucks actually. Joshua's at 86, and Yan Yi ** is at 106 i think. Argghghghhggg. So heart aching that we lost the last round. Cant believe it. Our team ranking is 39 (ouch ouch ouch). UMS3 is at 22 though. Sigh. Oh well... At least we have better speaker scores. ;)

Yesterdaaaaaay, all my problems seemed sooo far awaaaaaay...

Breather

2005-05-27T01:58:00.000+08:00

Well, well, i'm back!!! It's been a crazy last couple of weeks. Just got back from KL on Sunday, after the All Asians. It was... an incredible experience. Of course it wasnt great when i lost my voice and had to go to an overpriced KL clinic, and of course it sucked when we lost that Japan round when we definately should have won it (to those 2 dudes, your adjudicating careers are over baby! *evil grin* All offence intended, enjoy the formal complaint, you under-achiving debaters) and of course i had a lot of TRYING times with... umm... some ppl in close proximity, and of course the lunches totally redefined the meaning of prison food, and of course walking in the rain wasnt my idea of fun (no darling, what can i say), and of course... hehee... i'll stop. It was great, really. Yes, it did have it's sucky bits, but it was great.

Meet some really nice ppl, can totally go to South Korea now and have places to stay. ;) EHWA rocks!!! Congratulations to Joshua as well, for getting 2nd in the public speaking competition. Should i go into a brief (haha, yeah right!) description of wat happened? Hmm... =) Why not? Meet darling on the 13th night, managed to spend a little bit of time with him, then it was off to KL the next morning. Trip took about 4 and 1/2 hours, not bad. We went on Konsortium, which really wasnt too bad. At least they had the little leg things, and you can recline your seat and stuff. Got there, registered, went to Time Square for a very overpriced late lunch, pre-council meeting... now i really get why they make us give a deposit to force ppl to come for the council meeting. *yawn* Half and hour over electronic dicionaries. *blink blink* Masters final 1 which was a big joke, marine piracy became smthing about how we should ban all animated films featuring sea life. Uh huh... and it also got side-tracked on how Singapore shouldnt hold the Olympic. ;)

Sunday was interesting. Godpa and Godma sent me and some newly aquainted friends to church. St. Johns Catheral. Really good bookstore, but the music is a little umm... slow. Came back for lunch (=P i ate papadom, and that's it) and caught the last part of the debaters briefing. Saw Angela Loo there as well, as part of the Org Com. Didnt know she was a debater. Missed Masters Round 2, but hear that it wasnt a big lost. It is ever? ;) Adjudication test was next. At the time, went for the gov, but now realised that it was because of what... umm... what i saw, and not what they really said. Hehehee... and it didnt count cause the gov didnt SAY it. ;) Nvm, i know, i know, enough. ;)Welcoming dinner... Bleeeeh. I have learnt, i have repented, i shall bring more fancy clothes next time. I will conform. =)

Monday. Mock round + 2 round. Won, lost, won. Never really understood the concept of Chinese parlimen until you're suppose to find your team opponents out of 71 other teams in the hall. Meet EHWA D, UMS3 and EHWA C. Good round, good day. Cultural Night, ahh, another place to parade around your outfits. Luckily actually brought somehting appropriate. Have pictures, but... have to post them later, long story. It was Malay buffet. Some ppl didnt really like the food, but i pigged out. Hey, rendang, aca, what not to like? =) Saw Vanesh dancing as well, which was a bonus. Fell down the stairs as i was making my way to the bus too. =P Got the blue black spot to prove it.

Tuesday. The most gruelling day, no doubt. 3 rounds. Round 3. Japan on Japan No comment. OPU B still rocks in our books tho. Not THEIR fault. Lunch. Launched official complaint. Round 4. EHWA C again with demonstrative sports. Dinner. Round 5. HUMOUR!!! Yea baby!!! Motions: It's time for MJ to play the race card, Charles should have never married the rockwieler, and Ratzinger should have named himself Ringo the first. ;) Hahahhaahaaa... Had to walk to the venues in the rain tho, and that wasnt too funny. I arrived barefoot, soaked to the knee. Everyone was wet, it was... kinda gross. We got motion 1. Got a little vulgar, not on our side but... =P i dunno. Humour is humour but... oh well, leaving it in the room. =)

Wednesday. 2 rounds. NSU from northen Bangladesh. Horrible round. On both parts. And damn, it was themed around Malaysia! Malu... oh well... not remembering, not remembering. Last round. Silent against UMS1. "Interesting" team. :lala: Break night at Captains Cabin. Damn they changed it from Planet Hollywood, but then again, maybe it was worth saving my 15 bucks. Voice was dying by the end of the day. Just a little consolation for us cause we didnt break. Joshua got into the finals for the public speaking though.

Thursday. YEY!!!!!!! HOLIDAY!!!!!! SHOPPING!!!! =) Bought myself a new dress for the Farewell dinner, and cute little sew on patches from Chosen Treasures, and... little blue star paper. Sigh... actually i didnt get enough. Calculated and realised i only spent about 70 bucks shopping that day. What a waste. Went to the clinic. RM35. =( Oh well... That was pretty much the whole day as far as i can remember. i vaguely remember... umm... dinner. Which was pretty good. i ate 2 packets. Oh yea, Masters Round 3. Thailand Vs Malaysia. I think. Motion on how... umm... oh yea, the world should recognise Taiwan. Pretty funny and a little less vulgar cause one of the debater's mother was there. ;)

Friday. "We're going to the Octos!" as Joshua would say. Well, we did. ;) It was at some school, UMS3 Vs Assumption Uni (Thailand) on Terri Schiavo. Not that good a debate, but UMS deserved the win. Back to UM and Quarters were held in this little, sad room which broken chairs in the corner. It was really quite sad. UMS Vs umm, and Indian team i think. Cant remember which one. UMS win again. Motion themed on religion, THB Another Saint is the Last Thing We Need. After that, it was quite evident that the debates were boring. So we decided not to go to the Semis the next day. *BORING* Championship Dinner. Wore my new dress. =) Food wasnt bad, except that it was almost exactly the same as Welcoming night. Eye started to give me trouble halfway through. =P Think it was the contacts, but it killed my eyes until i came back to Pg. Sigh... But, all in all, not a bad night.

Saturday. Skipped the Semis. Missed breakfast, and decided to sleep in to try and presuade my eyes to regain their natural colour. Didnt really work though. Followed Vanesh and Pala out shopping in the afternoon, and for a bit of a late lunch as well. That was pretty fun i guess, even though i didnt get to buy anything. And yes guys, rugby still beats football anyday. Hahaha, MU lost!!! ;) Went to the finals at night. Saw Godma and Godpa there as well, which they're daughter. Continued the tradition, stole the banner. =) In my house now, it's mine!

Sunday. Woke up late. Panicked. Missed breakfast, got to Pudu just in time. Whew...

So i guess that was it. The whole 12th All Asians. =) Got to pack up my CV, and have a great fully paid time. =) It's kinda weird, been so busy the last 2 weeks or so, and now feel like my body's going into shock cause i can relax so much. It's Friday now. Been having a great time with Yao. Star Wars 3 was pretty good. Pan mee 2mrw. Oh yeah, Pa's 'last' day 2mrw too. Happy Retirement, Pa!!! Love you...

May 14 Landmark

2005-05-14T01:20:00.000+08:00

Well, been a while since i posted anything. Just been to super busy. =P Off to KL tomorrow for the All Asians, will be back on the 21st i think. Been having practises every night. A lot of stuff has happened. There was the Hooi Victory which was followed by the Howell Exile. There were headaches over the EU, UN, gay rights, Turkey, Myanmar, and lots more. =P Not thinking about it, not thinking about it.

Pa's retirement lunch was also today. (One of many i suspect) Food was pretty good. Salad was excellent, minus the green peppers. ;)There was also darlings return. Early by about 7 hours, cause he managed to catch a different flight. =) Then there was dinner at Cherry Blossom, and the attempt to pack. Still haven't finished that yet.

Anyway, tomorrow will definately be another eventful day. Bus leaves at 9.15 am. Hotel, registration, and practise, practise, practise. We're not going to become powerpuff debaters in the near future, but it'll be fun. =) And what an accomplishment.

The Attack of Ian Howell

2005-05-10T02:07:00.000+08:00

Sigh. Well, just finished the most tiring debating session yet. We had the Ian Howell encounter today. I have to say that he was better than the last time we had the debate practise back in the 1st sem. More, logical today, and heaven forbid, he actually hinted that it was important for us to get wat he was saying. :P His ability to debate is undeniable tho. Never really realised how difficult it is to debate against someone really good. :P Got totally flustered and started babbling, and not in the normal way where it actually sounds good. ;) Oh well, have to regroup and prepare for 2mrw. At least we get a little break. No Ian, Preeta coming 2mrw. Should be better. It better be better. Bleh, which reminds me, have to read up about the AFTA, NAFTA stuff. Ick...

Incomplete

2005-05-09T03:28:00.000+08:00

Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can't find no rest
Where I'm going is anybody's guess

I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake

I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

I don't mean to drag it on, but I can't seem to let you go
I don't wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)

I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

Incomplete

Artist: Backstreet Boys
Album: Never Gone (2005)

Sides of a Debate

2005-05-06T18:15:00.000+08:00

http://courses.csail.mit.edu/6.188/Information/debates.html

Of Whaling, Smoking and Home Schooling

2005-05-05T16:53:00.000+08:00

Just finished my first session of debating practise. Only 2 of us there today, Joshua and me. Will be more ppl 2mrw (hopefully), so it'll be more interesting. It was... fun. I've forgotten how much i love debating. The format is a little different, mainly in the topics and how the teams get to define the topic. Also, it's a secret topic kinda debate so you only get the title 15 min before the actual debate. Heard that they're still thinking about who to put in. Of course it would be great to debate, but... if the Vanesh decides to debate, then i get Yao for the weekend. =) Still waiting for it to play out. Miss Yao, and... it just seems so horrible to have to wait any longer to see him. But maybe it'll be better when i'm all into the training and we're in KL in the actual competition. Anyway, it'll be good either way. Anyway, Yao having exams in a couple hours. *cross fingers* But for me, holidays. =) Back to my West Wing. *grin*

Fireflies, fireflies

2005-05-04T04:27:00.000+08:00

My mom asked for help in writing a poem about fireflies. It has something to do with the TOREY competition she and my dad have been entering in the last few years. Mom did pretty well last year, if she does pretty well this year, i'm demanding my cut. ;)

Now, i know that it sounds pretty elementry, but it's for teaching school kids, it's suppose to be elementry.

Fireflies, fireflies

Fireflies, fireflies,
So bright in the night,
Their tender golden glow,
To light up our sight.

Lampyridae – the actual name,
Call them fireflies,
Or lightning bugs,
They’re all the same.

And how, do you ask,
Do they make their light?
Why, through chemical reactions
In cells called photocytes.

In these abdomen cells,
Each produces a light,
That flashes and flickers
In the dark of the night.

The light that they make
Is a secret no more,
For two chemicals they keep,
And have much in store.

Luciferin and Luciferase
That mix in their flight,
Named after Lucifer,
The fallen angel of light.

These busy young fireflies,
They breathe in deep
Need plenty of oxygen,
To give us a peep.

With this and with that
The chemicals combine
Luciferin transforms
Releasing energy to the sky.

But why, oh why,
Do they light up our sky?
Why does their glow meet our sight,
In the dark, dark nights?

These gusty male fireflies,
Have their own little scheme
Attracting the ladies,
With their twinkling gleams.

And if caught in a spider’s web,
Oh, what a mess!
Look out, stand clear!
They blink S.O.S.

One good thing,
About the light in their backs,
To birds and insects,
They make nasty snacks.

Their glow says they’re bitter,
Not juicy or sweet,
And allows them anywhere,
To bask in their heat.

And naughty young children,
Have plans of their own,
To catch them and use them,
When a light bulb has blown!

Fireflies, fireflies,
So bright in the night,
So beautiful, so magical,
The glow of their light.

-All rights reserved. 2005-

Hungry =(

2005-05-04T03:36:00.000+08:00

I'm hungry. Only things i had all day was a bowl of laksa and a packet of nasi lemak. Worms need feeding. Looked in the freezer hoping for a peice of pizza. No luck. Found bread though. Looked in the fridge looking for cheese. No luck. Thank goodness still have margarine. No tuna, no soup of any kind. We need to stock up.

Very uneventful day. Went to uni for all of 2 seconds to pick up next sem's notes from a senior. Forgot mandarin tuition. ;) Oops! Came back, spent a couple hours here getting back in touch with html. See, i have a MOOD. Wow, impressive. Uh huh...

And then it was TV, TV, TV. Got a call from the debate captain too. Tomorrow will definately be more eventful, although i'm not sure in a good way.

It's May!

2005-05-02T00:08:00.000+08:00

May at last! =) =) =) Just, hmm... 11 days till Yao gets home. =) Might not see him until the 20th, cause of the ASEAN debating thing, but thats not definate yet. But anyhow, him being here will be a million times better whether i'm in Penang or not. =)

So, came back from Langkawi. It was... a bit boring. But i kinda expected that. Been to most of the places before, so it was basically a hotel and shopping trip. Good to get away for a couple of days though. Eat buffet meals (although not exactly Mutiara or even Berjaya standard), sit in the hotel room and paint my nails ;) , go shopping and eat lots of junk food, do more shopping... very enjoyable. And the plane rides were great too. First plane trips in a couple years. Was a little surprised at the take off. You know the part where the plane jumps forward and you're pressed up against your seat. Seemed to have forgotten that part. But i always always get the feeling, the little mummur of doubt whether this big metal thing will get off the ground before it runs out of airstrip. Always.

So, Langkawi was that. Coming home is great. :) There just is no place like home. My bed, my computer, my... everything. Things that you know and are familiar with. Things that you can do everyday at home but not elsewhere. Ex. INTERNET. I'm addicted to my computer, what can i say? (Of course, i think a lot of it is attributed to being addicted to Chong Han Yao, but... nah, most of it.) (Heck, all of it) So, got a few more weeks to bum here before Yao comes home, and thank goodness the extreme i'm-so-bored-i-could-die feeling hasnt veered its ugly head. Yet.

Alritey then. Have things to do. Presents to finish. Books to finish. Busy busy life... ;) But cant absolutely wait until Yao gets home. *muaks*

(Now how do i upload photos again? Hmm...)

Shopping in Langkawi

Starry, starry nails...

My Cup Runneth Over

2005-04-29T18:57:00.000+08:00

Sigh... There are times when i feel like, like the best of times have passed me. You know, everyone says that school, be it primary or secondary is only the beginning (either that or that it's the best time of your lives, but for my mood atm, i'll ignore that opinion). And lately, i've just been wondering, is that really true? If i've just started, why do i feel like the best has come and gone? I just look back over my school life, and i realise that i had so much going for me. How many oppurtunities i had to expand my potential in ways i had never even imagined.

In secondary school, i was a member of the state orchestra. Not only a member, but an ever improving one. I went from the back of the 2nd violin section (faking, i might add, over 70% of the notes, but please dont ever tell Mark) to skipping grades in the 1st violins. I got my black belt in 2nd school. I made the SUKMA squad in 2nd secondary school. I was a school runner, a school debater all while managing to beat Su En in history (the girl's a freak, trust me, it's an accomplishment). In form 6, i was top 10 in the form, and had, really (was probably one of the only ones) had a gala time. Of course, there were bad spots, which i wont get into now, but... thinking back, the pluses really outnumbered the minuses.

And now? Sigh... why is nothing like what i planned for it to be? (Is that a really stupid question?) Okay, let me rephase. Why do i FEEL so under-accomplished? So... restless, so underutilized? I was thinking about it a while back, and i thought i had the answer, but now i realise that i didnt. Well, i have the answer now, but not then. I'm still at the top of my course, still always standing up to be counted but, i've lost everything physical in my life. That may sound so, SO ridiculous, like i'm blowing something tiny into a mid-life crisis, but... it's so true. I've lost all, physical activity. It's like, i'm rotting, wasting away, in a more litteral term that normally used. There is just something about being fit, and active, and heck, mobile that makes ppl feel alive. Some ppl anyway. I need that. It's surprising how, incredibly unproductive i feel without it.

=P Good grief. I've totally branched out. Originally this post was suppose to be about how ungrateful i was, at the oppurtunities that are being offered to me, and how stupid i was to let the decisions i have to make (because of the oppurtunities) weight me down so much. Bottom line, conclusion:

1. I need more exercise in a MAJOR way. Desprately, desprately in a keep sane kind of way need it.
2. More oppurtunities are better than less, even if more leds you to horribly difficult dicisions.
3. More oppurtunities ARE better than less. (Sorry, just trying to reassure myself)
4. I miss my darling.

And finally... 5. I need sleep.
Good night.

2005-04-25T04:24:00.000+08:00

Langkawi Island

Langkawi, here i come!

2005-04-25T03:55:00.000+08:00

I'm going to Lang-ka-wi! I'm going to Lang-ka-wi! Yeeeyy!!! First plane trip in... 5 years? =) Cant wait!!! Just the beach, the hotel room, the buffet meals, and the shopping! Better have internet service in the hotel tho, need to contact my darling. Cya in a 5 days! Well, 4 and a half... =)

Witnesses in Life

2005-04-23T17:39:00.000+08:00

Blogs. Why do you think that it's so important for people to document their lives? To remember? To look back after years and smile at the memories? Or to have some kind of living witness (so clique) to our lives?

We all seem to have this... inbuilt, inborn fear of being forgotten. Of being unimportant, negligible, unneeded, un-remembered. We all try to find purpose in life, some reason, and somehow it's become twistedly, cruelly connected with the desire to be recognised. To be known, and remembered. And that's what this is all about. It's not a daily record of our lives, it's what we use to define ort lives. All the while while we hope that maybe, just maybe, someone, some stranger, friend or distant accuaintance or anyone at all will at some time stumble across the electronic summary of our lives and know us. See us. That just maybe we would have had some kind of effect on their lives, for however short a time, and that we are remembered at that moment.

And even if that doesnt happen, we still have that hope. Or at the very least, this blog that we write in so ferverently will be our witnesses in life. That even if there is no one to see, it is at least there.

What would happen...?

2005-04-02T23:12:00.000+08:00

I have a blog? Definately not. Will not surcum to the pressures of society! i am cool without a blog. Muahahahaa... wow, i sound so suicidal. ;)